Wednesday, July 23, 2008

why such???

i've read from a certain blog something about why parents sometimes don't wish their kids to grow up--the consequences they face when the kids turn out be the opposite of what they expect..and parents find it hard to forgive kids who faces that consequences...the disappointment factor is really on top list but come to think of it, almost in all cases, parents are always there for the support--that is the reason why most kids do not think first before entering such situation because they always knew that no matter how they plow life, they got family to back them up..--this is just my personal thought and no offense to those with dissimilar views--i'm not really an adept in life issues and no matter how hard i try to be a counseling kind of person most of my petty advices sucks..

people hurt me--though they are not aware of it..but whatever it is--whether aware or not--they hurt me--and that's a big personal issue..

i'm missing my friends and it deeply hurts me seeing them in their happy photos together..selfish me and reality sucks..long time ago i have been so decided that i will not pursue my degree but the reality that i am here stuck at my hometown which is very far from what i have been dreaming of wanted me to change mind though i know there is no remedy at all..--and amidst the negative thoughts i have about this present thing i am into right now, there is a little hope in me that everything will be all right and that i have made the right choice...--and that the thing i would die doing for now is to prove everyone especially my proud ego that this is the right thing..

my phone book doesn't include my so missed friends in college and high school--I've lost their numbers..i've been dying to text them or call them or whatever..i'm so eager to hear what's new with the school and with the powerhouse---

i don't wanna go home..coz it feels like home doesn't want me too or I'm just a paranoid voodoo doll..lolz..i wanna hurt someone..prick him with million needles or boil him alive--hahaha--lolz!i don't even know that certain someone i wanna kill..

i'm feeling out of range--and i don't wanna feel this way..
i hope i'd have a long time to catch up with him..
he's buying me a pair of shoes i love--and the thought of him buying that girly thing makes me crave for him more and more and most maybe..
but i am always hurting him and though i am controlling myself no to--i do--and it hurts me so..
and i am hoping against hopes and wishing against genies all the bad things i have done were not big matters for him..but that is impossible--though he's not the emotional and issue-full type of person, i know i had big mistakes..i am thinking of karma and i hope karma doesn't think of me--

i don't know if the june 2008 nursing results are out now but i wanna congratulate bumbee,gonggy and angel in advance..i have no doubt they'll make it..
and best luck to ella, rob,junel,rr,bashang,moses and all--i forgot the names and no issue they're not reading this anyway..
i hope someday they get to decide to build a hospital and own it...and me, free of charge of course..

--i'm really feeling like a lost doll today..i'm in random thoughts and it makes me sick..
hope i'll be normal tomorrow..

lotsa love♥♥♥

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