hello, we meet again

My, exactly 485 days from my last post. Sounds awkward, right? Good thing, I could still remember my username and password or it would have been a lot more embarrassing. 

And yes, I can read your mind, 485 days has done a lot to me and my proud life. And no, I don't want to tell you about the not-so good things because they don't matter at all. Few inches from my husband sleeping peacefully, I could sum up that life was generally generous to me. 

To add up to my overflowing blessings, I would like to personally welcome my bezzy to the blog world. She's been my number one blog fan and I am so happy and proud that she is finally starting her own, filled and wonderful blog. Every little thing will give you so much about the precious things in the barbie-sh world of a blessed girl.

Ours are two different blogs, and I am not afraid to confess that we don't share the same sentiments on most things, but for so many good years now, we have complemented our differences well, and cross that miles of distance.   

 

Papa.

I know I wouldn't be able to brag about how great my father is, because he is not. But then it wouldn't stop me from telling the world how I love him despite all his misgivings. Maybe, life had been so much luckier and easier if he has chosen to be as responsible as a father should be, but I am contented with what I have now. And I thank him for giving me a life. I don't have much but I am proud with what I have been. And life is too short to be spending on grudges and insecurities. He may not have given us all the support that we deserve but he never fails to show us how he love us in his little simple ways. And I am proud of my feelings of not being ungrateful towards him and of the continuous love I have for him despite all. I believe I am a good daughter and a good person. And that simple fact in life, is what I owe him. I love you Pang and you'd always be the best father.

never lose hope

No matter how I deny it, the pain he caused me had sent me almost to my limitations. I thought I could never cope up. I thought a rainbow would never be seen peeking in my small rainy world. All my dreams had been literally shattered. And I didn’t quite know where to begin stepping that foot in order to stand up. I was lost, terribly, painfully. I felt rejected like I am the ugliest and the worst person on earth. I never thought of this as our ending, but then who am I to argue; who am I to fight for a battle already lost.

And no matter how painful it is to stand up on your bruised knees, I know I need to keep going. Not because it is the right thing to be done but because it is the only choice I have. I need to pick up the pieces and solve the puzzle again. I need to weave new dreams.

I may lose some years on the wrong one but it didn’t definitely make me a loser. It made me stronger. It gave me the inspiration to face new challenges in life. And by being so, I know that I’d be filled enough to row down the rice fields of life.

It didn’t stop me from believing still on love, on fairytales and prince charming. It didn’t make me see life on the negative side. For all of these had humbled me to take what life has to offer. Take pain and tears, without question; take time slowly and let life. For I will have the time of my own, His own good time.

I may have lost a person but I am gaining a whole new world. I may have lost his love but I’ve obtained love more than what I lost. Life is offering me a total happiness I didn’t know I could have without him; people that may never provide me love similar to his but gives me love more than he could give.

And it made me a better person. I lost and get hurt. But I am still looking forward to that one day when everything would fall into their proper places—probably not the same puzzle but hopefully a better one. And I am looking forward to that day where I can forgive and forget. I may not be seeing a rainbow peering in my own small rainy world now and on the coming days, but I would never lose hope that soon—one day in my life, I could have that rainbow and who knows, it could have a pot of gold on its end.